A Dark Secret Is Revealed

If you scroll down just a wee bit, you will come across a post or two in which I reported not knowing what to say, how to feel/describe this experience, etc.

Well, I have a confession to make. I didn't know what to say in those blogs because I was, well, I was sick. For about a week or two I contracted an infection. An infection against which, having lived in the United States my whole life, I had not built up an immunity. Don't worry though. It is a very common illness among study-abroad students and I recovered quickly.

I was homesick. (Gasp!)

The day after we got here we had an orientation session during which we were shown a chart outlining the stages of culture shock, all too common among students studying abroad. I remember looking at that chart and thinking, "Psh, that won't be me. I won't have any of the problems all those other sissies have. I'm tough." Haha, oops. I didn't realize it at the time, but I think that during those couple weeks when I was not feeling terribly psyched about life I was probably in the "Mental Isolation" stage. The one that comes right after "Initial Adjustment."

The first week-ish I only felt it a few times and really only for a few hours, if that, then I would get caught up again in the wonder and the novelty of being in a new country that I forgot all about it. But I soon came down off that high and just felt like I was in what can only be described as a "funk" (that is the technical term for it, thank you very much). I definitely did not want to admit to being homesick because if you'll recall, I'm the tough one. Unwilling, apparently, to admit to dealing with issues that are totally normal and totally acceptable given my current situation. *Shakes head* Silly girl.

Before I came here I truly was 100% convinced that I would not be homesick, would have absolutely no problem adjusting to my new life here, and would love Aberdeen from the moment I arrived til the moment I left. The truth is, I didn't always love being here. I did always know this was where I was supposed to be and I never felt regretful about it, but there were times when the feelings of missing Hope, my wonderful friends and wonderful family, and wanting to be surrounded by the familiar were stronger than the conviction that I truly could and would love living in Scotland.

I really need to swallow my pride sometimes. "Mary, it's OK if things aren't always wonderful." "It's OK to miss home." "It's OK that you might not be as strong as you like to think you are." ("Ouch, self. That last one cut pretty deep.")

Well, now that that confession is off my chest and the homesickness is out of my system, I'm so glad that I can finally, honestly say that at this moment there's nowhere I'd rather be than Aberdeen, Scotland. I'll have my days, that's for sure, because as long as my people at home keep being awesome you better believe I'll keep missing 'em like crazy. But now I can think of my life here, think of my life at home, and all of it's enough. Ah, contentment.